being emotional,

Hey people, I guess I'm gonna update my blog with this kind of feeling man.
Yeah, emotional post. Why ? This is why love sucks.
Okay, maybe haven't reach that stage, but the feelings are already there.
I can't figure myself out, I never cherish things that I could get easily.
So I go for things and people that is hard to get. 
I know I'm the one to blame, I brought this on myself.
But I really hate this feeling to the very damn max. 
I can never figure out what you are thinking about.
Every single time you dao me, one word me, you land a punch on my heart.
I don't know how to hide my feelings man, and I'm sure you can feel how I feel.
Even though I didn't show it, but I guess its pretty obvious
But you know, cuz everything you do, I can't see through why are you doing that and so on.
I'm pretty loss, loss in the labyrinth within you.
I myself are complicated, but I guess there will always be people that are more complicated than you.
Ever since the start of this year, I really tried to change the way I think.
I stopped jumping to conclusion, I stopped assuming things
I stopped acting like I'm mature, I stopped acting like the way I shouldn't be.
To girl I shall not mention name, I don't know how do you think about me.
Probably, I'm irritating, lame, ugly, etc ? 
I wanted to be able to do the "on and off" my friends told me
But every single time I wanted to dao you, I feel awfully bad.
Do you feel that way when you dao me ? I guess not huh.
Here I am ranting about my feelings and nobody is reading it, desire of wanting people to know.
But I find it inappropriate to talk to anyone about this. Not Leonard, not Meiyee, not Joseph, none of them.
I don't know why am I keeping this to myself, I really don't know.
But as much as I know, if I let anyone know about this, the relationship between me and you will totally be screwed.
Ugh, tell me what to do. How do I get the words out of my chest ?
Nothing feel real anymore man, not this "let down" feeling, not this "I like you" feeling, none of them feels real.
But it seems so real, I feel so fake, but so real. 
For each and every raindrop that reaches the ground, my heart shrinks a little.
Until nothing is left, until I feel absolutely nothing.